Seriously?

Continuing the discussion about segways from Calvin's post, I find the image he provides in his post to be particularly interesting. I have clearly stated my dislike for the segway in my previous post, but this I find utterly ridiculous. Calvin has already stated in his post some reasons why the segway might prove inefficient for military use, and I definitely agree with him. I find the concept to be absolutely absurd, and will list some reasons why I just can't take military soldiers on segways seriously.

In the article that Calvin provides, the Chinese military claims that the segway will allow soldiers to mobilize while holding their weapons with both hands to improve their stability when they shoot. This requires soldiers to train and familiarize themselves in maneuvering with the segway. Of course, this training will take time and money which could be spent... say, training soldiers how to shoot while walking? No, let's take more time and more money to ensure that these soldiers can perform their duties on segways instead of giving them practical combat training. Furthermore, if the soldiers become too dependent on segways and are caught in combat without one, there goes the ability to shoot accurately while moving.

Let's take a second look at that same picture. Honestly, who can take this group of officers seriously when they all look like they've been holding in their piss for hours? It doesn't help that every officer is in the upright standing position, not exactly the greatest position when exchanging fire with armed hostiles. Are these officers expected to unmount from their segways in order to get to crouching or prone firing positions? The extra time it takes step off the segway might cost an officer his life. I can't help but see the segway as a highly inefficient method of mobility in a dangerous environment. Let's not forget that segways are extremely expensive. If the Chinese military is going to invest in a device that lets their officers die more easily in combat, then clown suits might have been cheaper and more entertaining.

But let's all assume for a second that segways truly gave an advantage to military soldiers and officers. Let's imagine that the segways exceeded every expectation the military had and revolutionized infantry mobilization. With the ability to fire accurately while moving constantly at 12.5 mph, infantry units would only be stopped by technology's greatest obstacle: stairs. Oh shit, what the hell do the officers do now? Drag that two-wheeled useless piece of crap up flights of stairs while their target escapes using those inferior and obsolete devices call legs? I cannot take the concept of equipping soldiers with segways seriously. It is far too ridiculous an investment for a far too comedic sight.